And now for the news..

And in today’s news – Australian solders are warned about the dangers of erectile dysfunction drugs and told they can have just four tablets a month.  The rest of the time, they will have to stand up and salute under their own steam.

A cat is found in Hobart with it’s ears chopped off.  It was seen enjoying itself last night at a Nick Cave concert.

Police were called to a brawl that broke out at Hulk Hogans’ wedding.  Security pushed a cameraman, the priest did a bionic elbow to the best man, and the bridesmaid put the mother-in-law into a dragon suplex before the bell went off.

Oprah has just adopted a small country she calls Australia.   The paperwork has all been cleared – she just needs to work out what part of her backyard she wants to put it in.

A man jumped a check-in counter and rode the luggage carousel in a bid to make his flight.  Unfortunately, baggage handlers thought he was luggage, and doctors are currently performing surgery to remove drugs shoved up his bottom.

And finally, when to give up on your hobby.  You are a fox hunter – you have a horse, all the dogs, and a big gun.  You think you get a fox, except it reaches around and shoots you with your own gun.  FAIL.    The fox was seen giving him the bird before quietly escaping back into the woods.  That's why I stick with bejewelled.  That hardly ever happens to me.