Good lessons to learn..

A Swedish couple’s have learnt what most other people already know – don’t bring a knife to a sex act.  The man cut her stockings with the knife and then passed it to her – and she stabbed him (accidentally) in the thigh.  Hmm.. not in the mood perhaps?  He went to hospital, and she was arrested on suspicion of aggravated assault but was later released.   

Speaking of alligators (yeah.. remember last blog?) a Florida boy aged 8m donated his pet turtle to the local aquarium, only to watch it be eaten by an alligator.  The boy allegedly shouted “on no alligator, let it go!”  The Alligator didn’t reply because obviously.. not polite to talk with your mouth full.  No good turn goes unpunished kid.  Wow.. think of the psychological issues that kid will have to deal with in the future.

When I was around 8 or 9, my little girlfriend (we lived in the country.. started young), gave me a baby chick for Christmas.  I kept it in a box in my bed room.  One night, there was a storm, so I brought it into bed with me.  The next morning.. I wake up and… squished chicken.  I was distraught.  And that’s why I don’t let chickens sleep over any more.    Also, my wife complains about the feathers.

But as I grow older I reflect on what that incident did to my psyche.  Maybe that’s why I have sleep apnoea now.. maybe my snoring is a subconscious warning bell to all squish able animals. “Flee.. flee now before the fat man rolls over’. 

So a few years later, I worked at the local chicken farm.  These birds grew from chicks to full grown in approximately 12 weeks.. they were fed god knows what, and just grew super fast.  Sometimes, their little tickers couldn’t handle it, and they would have little chicken heart attacks.  When this happened, we would reach over, grab the writhing chook and snap it’s neck.  That was then.. perhaps now days, they perform cardiac compressions and mouth to beak resuscitation.  Medicine has certainly come a long way. 

I like to think, some twenty years later that I have reached a good balance.  Most of our hens live long and contented lives, and die of old age.  Some of the roosters aren’t that lucky – but I take no joy in dispatching them off to the big chicken run in the sky, where I like to believe they all have 42 fresh hen’s waiting for them.  So kid, you may have lost a turtle, but one day, you may be a turtle farmer.. and reflect on how you lost your first turtle to a crocodile with a smile.  Or you may end up being some kind of freaking psychopath who dresses up like a ninja turtle, and goes on a rampage through your local Lacoste factory.   Probably the latter.