Bacon, Bees, Buzz and Brewster..

Had to rescue my pig last night ‘Cheesy Bacon’ who was caught up in the electric fence wire.  I know .. I’m probably your hero now right?  Full disclosure – I only own half of Cheesy Bacon – my buddy own’s the other half.  I prefer the front bit..  When Cheesy gets a little older, he is going to Gordie’s for a sleepover and hopefully make sweet piggy love to his two girl pigs.  “I’m here to clean your pool.. your mud pool!” Chickachica chow….

What happened to all the punks?  I saw one today and I was surprised at how surprised I was.  Do you think it was the hit NBC show Punky Brewster for two years in the mid 80’s that really ruined it for the punk scene?  I don’t really think she was that punk to be honest.  I don’t remember any of the episodes specifically.. did she ever bite the head of a chicken?

Incidentally, Punky Brewster had an episode three weeks after the space shuttle disaster where they had Buzz Aldrin come on and explain the perils of being an explorer.  They do say that you are more likely to have an accident at the very beginning or the very end of your trip.. guess the same applies to space shuttles.  Buzz was also trying to promote the young astronaut program.. yeah – good luck with that Buzz.  Apparently, the episode was handled with allot of sensitivity – that is until Punky Brewster head butted Buzz, and kicked him in the crotch with her Doc Martins.

I’m eating chocolate crackles.  They are payment for a computer job I haven’t started yet.  I hope I can fix this computer, or I shall have to return the chocolate crackles.   God.  I hate performance anxiety.

Bees have 5 eyes.  What’s that about?  I can understand an even number.. but an odd number?  Freaks!

What will we do when the clowns are gone..?

Sad day today with the news that comedy great Leslie Nielsen died aged 84.  Naked Gun and Flying High are still two of my favourites.   With Nielsen and Greg Geraldo dead so close apart, the world is just a little less silly unfortunately. 

On a lighter note – have you ever wondered how those zany creationists can accept the presence of dinosaurs, and yet hold to the theory that the earth is only 6000 years old?  Well.. wonder no more.  Three words:  dinosaurs on ark.  That’s right – the creation museum in Petersburg, Kentucky explains it all, and it’s all perfectly logical.  You see, Moses got two of every animal, including dinosaurs, onto the big boat.  Now – I see you roll your eyes.  How can a big T, let alone two get aboard a man made boat.  Well.. they weren’t all full size ya silly billly.  They were baby dinosaurs.    Jesus loves baby dinosaurs.  

Dinosaurs on the Ark

Saw an interesting sight on the weekend.  A gang of bikies (sorry.. not suggesting anything.. how about.. a loose association based on mutual enjoyment of motorbikes, loose women and crime) rolled into town this weekend, and I found myself stuck in the middle of the street waiting for them to park.  Have you ever noticed that they all look very menacing in their black leathers, bandana’s and bowling ball helmets… right up to the point that they have to do tippy toe their bikes backwards into to a car park..    The soundtrack in my head goes from Wild One, to the Nutcracker suite.  Tippy tippy toe.. tippy toe..  Don’t dwop dat heavy bikey wikey…

Okay.  Too far?  Don’t kill me.

Snake update.  Still there.  Still big.  Don’t kill me.

Did you hear about this?  An Indian co-pilot sent a Boeing 737 into a terrifying nosedive when he adjusted his seat..  “Sorry! My bad!”.   The pilot had stopped out for a toilet break, and couldn’t get back into the cockpit.  The pilot finally got back in, and was able to wrestle control back over the aircraft.     References people.. references!   Reminds me of why I stopped learning to fly.  Know your limitations. 

In related news, a woman stripped nude during a flight, and was restrained before being taken into custody on a Delta airlines flight.  She was not charged – and nor should she.  Unless she was fat and/or ugly.

And finally, an audit by the Department of Energy has determined one small ‘potential vulnerability’ in the handling of nuclear missiles.  The  people transporting them have been found to be drunk on the job!   Well.. perhaps if you thought that the next pothole you hit could be your last, you’d want a little something to settle the nerves. 

Weekly Wrap

Been a bit slack this week with posts - so thought I'd do a wrap up today. 

First - as you know.. I like to watch people.  No.. not in a creepy way.. promise!  Two sights this week that I haven't seen before..   The first was watching a man waiting for an elevator.. the door opens.. and in the lift was a group of Buddhist Monks all dressed in robes.  The guy waiting did a very obvious double take before tentatively getting in the lift.  That would be one spiritual ride man..   Reminds me of a Buddhist quote.  "All know the way.. but few actually walk it".  Apparently some take the lift.

Second was a bike rider, stopped at the traffic lights.  Two police officers on bikes rode up beside him, and he didnt notice.  He then casually looks to his side, and nearly fell off his bike when the policeman said hello.  I was waiting for a bike chase, but unfortunately, that didnt ensue.  Also, the soundtrack to Benny Hill was just in my head.

Today's news had a group of ten in a fitness class, plus the trainer, get caught in the surf, and have to get pulled in by lifesavers.  That is one tough trainer.. "Come on.. it's not doing you any good unless you can feel the pain!!  FEEL THE PAIN!!...  No - wait.  Don't take them back to the beach, we haven't finished our session yet!".

We have Gojira - a fancy, space aged boat, heading out to tackle the whalers again this season.  As you recall, last year ended with a sunk boat, and an arrested protester.  This year.. bigger boat.. and Michelle Rodriguez - so umm.. sorry.  Mind wandered..

Anyway - the name Gojira is actually Japanese for Godzilla - so if this all ends with the girl falling in love with the boat, but the boat getting sunk.. well.. they were kind of asking for it.  We haven't been advised if the Japanese are bringing their largest fishing boat.. King Kong.  Good luck peeps.. save the whales!

Finally, MI6 has been embarrassed by an imposter.  They paid Mullah Akhtar Mohammad Mansour lots of money because they thought he was a high level Taliban leader who could negotiate with both sides.  Turns out he is either just a lowly commander, a shopkeeper, or just some guy with a beard.  Reference checks people.. reference checks!

In local news, we have a tiger snake under the cattle grid, who seems to have a love hate relationship with my wife.  "I can see you!."  Snake slithers.. "I can still see you"... Snake slithers some more...  I'm not jealous.   Hot house has a cover now, and we can start to 'renovate' inside.  Exam's and assignments over for this study period.. and.. wait for it.. Week 1 of next study period starts Monday.  Have a great weekend.

Sexist Email Scandal

Pricewaterhousecoopers (PWC) has taken a hit in the PR front this week when an inappropriate privately circulated email went public!

"The email was originally shared by 17 male colleagues, discussing the physical merits of 13 new female workers, thought to have joined recently as trainee accountants or associates.

The email, complete with photos of the women, had the subject line ‘this would be my shortlist for the top 10’.

Yowsers!  At a previous company I worked for, over a dozen employee's were sacked for exchanging sexually explicit emails - some were very long term employee's.  

We've all been there - opened up an email sent from a friend only to find something really rude, crude or offensive on the screen.  If they are funny - they can actually make my day but I'm not easily offended.

The point is not to forward it on.  I have another friend who keeps sending me those emails warning about how illegal immigrants are stealing jobs, being given free cars, and luxury mansions whilst the rest of us struggle here on .. well.. struggle street.   Scary undertones in those emails - I keep looking for swastikas at the bottom. 

And then my other non-favourite email (other than spam) are those 'pass this on' ones.  They are either fictitious warnings or hoax's.  Some that stick in my memory..

• Send this email to ten friends, and you will receive a new (laptop, blackberry, Iphone) etc.
• If you are being mugged at the ATM, put your pin number in backwards.  This will notify the police.  (Unless your pin number is like..  1111... in which case.. your screwed).
• Backpackers waking up in a bath full of ice and a note that says 'Ring the police now'..   Someone really should check out that 'Organs 'R' Us' store.. some really shady characters work there..
• Send this email to make the Make a Wish Foundation and they will give 1$ to little jimmy... (this one made me a bit mad.. people... let's keep the not for profits out of our little games okay??).
•  If you don't send this email to 10 friends, you don't support the troops in Iraq. (Really?  What about those people who didn’t get the email? What about those people who don't have 10 friends.. or Nana who doesn’t know how to forward on?  Dam Communists the lot of em!)

I usually reply to these emails with the appropriate reference from Snopes.com - but probably to no avail.

 Let's face it - if an email is any good, it will get forwarded on.  If it needs to tell you to pass on to all your friends - it's probably full of lies, tripe or superstitious mumbo jumbo.  TRASH IT!

Tweeting is for twits.. not terrorists..

So this guys tweet's that he is going to blow up an airport if they didnt reopen in time for his flight.    South Yorkshire police stepped in and arrested him.  The courts turned down his appeal - so now there is a large internet frenzy of supporters. 

Over 5000 people have sent fake warning messages in solidarity of this guy - including the words "IamSpartacus" - a reference to Stanley Kubrick’s movie in the 60's where all the slaves stood up and said .. well.. I am Spartacus.   (For those too young to see the movie - picture the scene from Dead Poets Society where all the kids stood on desks..  Or even more recently, Being John Malkovich if this guy was making money, and the plot was written by someone on hallucinogens.

So I think we can agree this guy is guilty of poor judgement - most reasonable people know you can't make jokes like this in a post 9/11 world.  But should he be criminally charged?  Is it reasonable to assume he was only joking?  Perhaps - but then we have the subjectivity question.  Should possible threats be ignored if a policemen decides it's only a joke?

To those who think that is unreasonable, consider this.  In Queensland in 2007, 11 million calls were made to emergency services and 60% of those were prank, unmercenary or misdialled calls.  So there is subjectivity already required.  Does that support his case or work against it?

Well it would suggest that he could argue that it was obvious that he was joking - who would tweet such a thing if they really intended to bomb the airport.  The 'reasonableness' argument would say that most 'reasonable' people would not react to the message by raising alarms.

On the flip side, if an Agency admitted to ignoring such threats because they were categorized as jokes, they would surely leave themselves open to criticism, particularly in the event of a bombing.  This seems to suggest that, reasonable or not, the authorities have a defensible case that they did not regard this as a joke in this instance. 

Unfortunately, the protest of the internet in 'spamming' the twittersphere, whilst interesting from a cultural perspective, may mean that any real threats from now on will have a greater level of scepticism applied.  Is that necessarily a good thing?  I guess it’s a bit of a catch 22 situation much like the cartoon’s of Muhammad.  Is it someone’s right to joke around about bombing airports on twitter?  Perhaps.  Should they? Of course not..

Cruise ship.. just like Gilligan's Island.

The report came out today of the stranded cruise ship Splendor stuck of the California coastline. The passengers said it was just like being on Gilligan's Island because the food tasted like 'feces', the passengers were corralled on the decks, and had no access to toilets.

Now that doesn't make me jump to the conclusion that the ship was just like Gilligan's Island, but a little more research revealed the following.

Right before the fire, the captain was calling his second mate little buddy, but just after the fire, the captain took off his hat, and slapped his second mate in the head.
The coast guard were contact by a strange contraption that consisted of an exercise bike, two coconuts, and bamboo pole.
For the 5 days that the ship was stranded, they kept getting strange visitors, including a mad German scientist, a large gorilla, and a famous movie director.  Alas, none of the visitors kept their promise to get help.

After 5 days, the cruise ship was towed back to port.  Strangely, to celebrate the rescue, the entire cruise ship hired another cruise ship, and haven't been seen off since.

Art

I don't know art - but I know what I like!

Be careful what you wish for..

Only 5 percent of DNA is used to make protein, which is the core function.  The rest is in support of that function.  The ‘sharp end’ of most organisms, or indeed organisations has a large ‘back end’ of support.  So often, we see reports in the newspaper of how the public service is overly heavy with support staff, at the expense of the front line staff.  As a public servant now, I’m in a good position to consider that claim in context.   This is usually one of those populous statements, but with some truth to it.  However, there are some details that are left out, which can be misleading.

For example, within a Health Department, statistics will usually refer to clinicians (ie, nurses, doctors, allied health professionals), and then anyone else falls under the banner of ‘bureaucrats’.  Bureaucrats, a loaded term if ever there was one, are painted as the ‘fat’ of the department, somehow wasting tax payers money with their existence, and offering no benefit to the patients.  But who is in this bureaucrat category?

Cleaners ensure not only general cleanliness but infection control is maintained.  Food Service staff feed the army of bed ridden patients.  Medical Orderlies transport patients, turn them so they don’t get bed sores, and perform a million other tasks that would otherwise be left to clinicians.  Someone has to pay staff, recruit new staff, ensure training and accreditation is up to speed.  A patient’s life can depend on how quickly a Doctor can determine a patient’s history – so medical records staff is critical.  Policy wonks, or those that look at strategies ensure resources are applied where they are best needed, and typically form the links between disparate parts of the Department.

My point is, there are areas that are not efficient, or could do with some trimming in every organisation – but to suggest that any of the ‘bureaucrat’ groups could be removed without having a critical effect on patient care is ignorant.  A Hospital with only doctors and nurses would not function.  It’s as logical as Qantas only having aircrew.  Question the validity of the claims made in these reports, or better yet, go visit a hospital and see the important job done by these so called bureaucrats.

Wanna bet?

"The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavour upon the business known as gambling."

—      Ambrose Bierce

So the race that stops the nation, the Melbourne Cup, is on today.  I don’t really get into it, but I don’t begrudge those that do.  This two mile, or 3200 metre race, held on the first Tuesday in November, has been held since 1861.  Although a public holiday in Victoria only, it seems to make the rest of the country grind to a near halt, with business’s all over stopping to watch the race. 

According to the ABS, in 2004-5, the net takings from gambling were $15.5 billion, with just over half of that coming from poker machines.  Over 76 thousand people were employed in the provision of gambling services but I don’t think that counts people who make hats.

The International Monetary Fund estimated that large U.S. and European banks lost more than $1 trillion on toxic assets and from bad loans from January 2007 to September 2009. These losses are expected to top $2.8 trillion from 2007-10. U.S. banks losses were forecast to hit $1 trillion and European bank losses will reach $1.6 trillion.

I guess for me, the perils of gambling are certainly there, but there is a real subjectivity about what we call gambling.   I would estimate more people have lost their house in the USA this past few years from banking foreclosures etc, far more than ‘gambling’.    Anyway, for me, I’ll wait till they are riding something a bit more interesting than horses.  (Pictures courtesty of Freakingnews.com)